I don't really feel special so much. I don't have most of the things an average person has; either talent or social status.Everyday, I feel like my hunch of having a problem related to memory is starting to become frequent. I don't recall most anything notable that happened in my life, my birthdays, my moments, and a lot of names. All that is left are embarrassing moments in my life and the yearning of what happened 2 or 4 years agoCurrently now, I'm left with nothing, and a pathetic excuse of being sociable only through a mask of this gimmick account to make people talk with me. I don't know if I could even make friends anymore, the one group I cherished the most is gone, and it was my fault. I have moved on over it, but I haven't moved on how to recover again, stand on my feet, be active, have another friend group to belong to and love, yet it is a deserved painful punishment for what I did. I don't think I deserve anything grand, I just want to take a rest, spend my time as I wish, make it feel like it isn't moving, so that I can have a moment of tranquil, unmoved by the running of time.I'm really not too envious of others as of now, I just wish for a few things to fill a shallow hole in my heart that makes me sink the moment gloominess overcomes me. With the verbal abuse and social outcasting in my way, it made me think that I'm hopeless, I could make a way, but I don't think I can do it anymore. I'm unmotivated, nothing.I wish to talk to one of them, but I'm too scared, I'm too scatterbrained to even hold a conversation, my mind feels foggy and clogged, my thinking process is always interrupted by anything even inside my mind, I can't take anything seriously, what am I if not an undeserving person who doesn't need to be recognized.I'm content with what talents I have, but sometimes, a lot of people compare me to others, it's getting annoying. Please accept me as is, is it that hard? Do you want me to tell you how I feel? Would you even listen? Would you understand? Will I ever dream again..? I don't know anymore, I couldn't do anything, but wait.